Ramblings: Curious 

Take me out on the open road.

Sometimes complacency can get confused with depression and just getting caught up in the mundane routine of everyday life. 

People speak of freedom, but there might be an ignorance behind the definition of that word; or maybe I am complacent. 

Could it be wanderlust? 

How do you feel like a stranger in the only place you have ever known?

Freedom, to an adventurer, is being scared, being lost, or not knowing the road you are taking is the right one. 

So is complacency the opposite? Is it being comfortable? Is it knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are right?

People often say that curiosity is an admirable trait to have and I like to think that statement is true.

Curiosity led people to travel in to the skies, past the clouds, to the moon – and someday – maybe beyond that. It led them to discover new lands, new species, new cultures. If curiously is wrong then I never want to be right. 

Let us adventure into the great beyond with no remorse. 

Let us explore until our hearts give out.

At the end of the day what is it that you really want? A life full of cautious steps that are predetermined by the ones who came before you?

Let that all go to hell.

Let us reach for the stars; for the only way to achieve a dream is to wake up and make it a reality.

So take me out on the open road; because getting lost is far better than knowing where I am going.


Ramblings: Self-doubt, rejection, and direction.

Some people will tell you to never show others your weaknesses, it makes you vulnerable; I say fuck that. I have looked my demons right in the face and snarled back. Dealing with emotional or mental healh is a very strange, rough, and daunting task. I have suffered from depression and anxiety ever since I was able to ride a bike and probably long before that.

Self-doubt often crept in by way of people I seemed to care about, toxic people, these sort of pessimists just trying to distract you. If you let them in, it’s all over for your emotions. I am not writing this to tell about my life, no. Just a precursor to make you understand; I understand that pain you feel, those sleepless nights, or endless days. 

The racing of clutter and noise. 
It is what makes us tick, as much as we hate it, we are glad it is there; because, we feel that, without it, we wouldn’t exist.

The truth is we need people, positive people, and no, not just someone to pat your back. You need someone that will push you to the edge of sanity and stand there with you hand in hand. Let people in, let them in your soul; because the only way you can fix these weak parts is from an outer perspective. 

Imagine an engineer, he works his whole life on a project. Let’s say this project is a bridge. Well, the design goes up, but soon weak areas in the structure start to surface. The pride of the engineer clouds his opinion on the matter. It will take someone without pride or bias to come in and point out the fallacies of the engineer. 

The only way to grow courage and strength is by first seeing your faults and weak points…

This, ladies and gents, can lead to self-doubt. 

The engineer now may think that all his work was a sham, that maybe he failed. Self-doubt is normal. We have all felt it, some more than others. We are risk takers and within those risks we are exposed. Self-doubt will eventually lead to change. 

You begin to break down the walls of pride. You can start over. 

There is a light! 

Damn it, run towards that light!
No matter how many times you think you can’t do something; it is the first time, the time you see through new eyes, and in that moment you feel so sure that everything you have done to this point is correct. 

Struggles will come and go, there is no doubt in that fact. But the strength to see adversity and overcome it? That must be learned over and over.

Rejection comes in many forms, a rejected lover, a project, a career path, or even just social rejection. In no way is it pleasant; but again, we must learn from these rejections. 

They shape who we will become. 

I guess this would be a good segway to talk about direction. Without rejection, none could find direction. 

In order to go east you must first be told that you are wrong. Someone from the outside has to tell you that you are heading west, north, or south, before you can journey east. 

You have just been rejected to the preconceived knowledge that you thought you had about direction. Now that rejection has run its course, it is time. Time to find direction, but without these predecessors (self-doubt and rejection) there is no step forward into the success of your endeavor, what ever it may be.

Me? I can not tell you your direction. Neither, can any man for that matter; but they can point to the flaws in your blueprints, in your ideas, in your ideologies. This helps grow the spots we ourselves never saw as weak.

Without help the engineers bridge would fall, and fall, and fall. One day he may look back and see his flaws; but it’s too late. 

Whatever circumstances life throws your way; well, you aren’t alone. 

Love is all us humans have.

The love to build each other up.

Not to rip down.

Love is the only thing we have left to give.

And if you ever do feel alone or scared.

Reach out; because, love is out there.



Ramblings: Getting lost

There was a time, not too long ago, when I was completely immersed in travels. 

I was on my way back riding a train from Cinque Terre, Italy to Colico. At some point I borded the wrong train, heading in an entirely different direction than where I should have been going. I got off at a station. I was confused, distrot, and a little scared. I eventually found my way on to another train, not knowing if it was the correct path, without even a ticket in my hand.

It was dark, the windows of the train were all down, the air outside was brisk. Every time the train would whip through a tunnel all the hallway doors would sway open and closed. My phone had been dead for quite a long while so I was detached from it all.

I was free, free from everything that bound me to reality.

I often go back to this place, in my mind. The calming feeling sweeping over my body and soul that it was ok, it would all be ok. 

Sometimes we don’t know where we are going or how we will arrive there. We shouldn’t be scared or pry too much into these matters. Stressors will come and go but letting things just be is the best solution. 

I’ll always recollect the feelings I had on that train. In dark times it gives me freedom. Knowing that somewhere on this huge planet, I was out there. I was no one…

I was just a stranger on a train, lost in the world.